Escape the Sunlight
by enakoritsi
Summary: I'm not the same anymore, and I think sometimes Sora knows it. There are split seconds where I catch him looking at me with a sad, glazed look in his blue eyes. He really wants everything to be the same, but…it's just not.


_Author's Note_: This isn't really anything special, just some Riku pondering and what not. I'm not as...familiar with Riku as I am with other KH characters, but this is how I see him so I hope it's decent at least. I know at the last scene of KH2, he's all happy, but I can't really see Riku adapting right back into Destiny Islands life. He's a pretty dark character, with tons of turmoil, unlike Sora who just goes around slashing things with his keyblade while he's smiling. So anyway, this is what I got, and I hope you like it. Sorry the title's pretty bad, I couldn't think of anything. Even if you don't, constructive critism is appreciated anyway.

Please review. Thank you very much.

_Disclaimer_: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters.

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.:. _Escape the Sunlight_ .:.

The sun was shining brightly in the mid-afternoon sky, the vibrant sunshine cascading onto the ground like water tumbling down a waterfall. The grasping rays almost seemed too bright, too determinedly cheerful, almost as if they was forcing themselves to the be most intense and joyful beams of light known to the world. Just as it was beautiful, it was almost sickeningly sweet. I bet you couldn't tell that to Sora though, since his brilliant smile was almost as painful as the sky.

Maybe it's just me. Perhaps I'm the only one who feels this way about an average sunny day. Destiny Islands is a place of happiness, of normality; a place where everything is alright and at peace with one another. Sometimes it seems impossible to even think that at one time it had collapsed, and all at the will of one.

Myself.

As I sat on the sandy shore, shielding my eyes as the glaring sun tried to blind them, I ran one hand absent-mindedly along my chest. At the feel of the muscle under my fingers, I remembered how easily the skin transformed into a swirling vortex of darkness at someone's command. There are times where I wake up screaming during the night, feeling my torso roughly to make sure its still there. I have a strange, ominous feeling that someday it's going to be a whirlpool of darkness instead, ready to suck me inside.

"Riku!" I turned my head at the sound of a pleasant voice, feeling silver strands of my hair whisk into my face at the movement. The muffled noise of feet pounding ruthlessly against sand reached my ears, and the image of an exuberant boy with brown spiky hair reached my vision.

"Hey Sora," I greeted with little emotion. He skidded to a stop on the beach, sending a spray of sand towards my face. I lifted my hand instinctively to block it as he began to speak.

"Kairi and I are going for a race down the beach!" He explained excitedly, throwing his hands out in his enthusiasm. "Do you want to come with us?"

Turning my head the other way, I smiled wryly while thinking for a moment before responding.

"Nah, thanks Sora. I'll meet you guys later," I excused myself, observing as he ran off with a wave over the shoulder.

"Okay Riku! I'll be seeing ya!"

I watched him go, the zippers on his pants jiggling with an annoying sound as his oversized shoes flopped down the coastline. Shaking my head, I pulled one knee up and resting an arm on it casually.

There used to be a time where I would've been up and ready to go at the words "race down the-." In fact, I probably would have already been halfway down the beach, yelling a confident challenge over my shoulder to Sora. I'd laugh as his face screwed up in anger and pride before he ran after me, and the two of us would fervently try to impress Kairi, each trying to outdo the other.

We were, and are, rivals, but friends more than anything. So the fact that I didn't want to join Sora in his new endeavor…it hurts somehow; almost as if something inside of me died when I told him no. I think part of me has been dead for a long time, ever since I gave myself up to the darkness.

I've changed.

I'm not the same anymore, and I think sometimes Sora knows it. There are split seconds where I catch him looking at me with a sad, glazed look in his blue eyes, but then the next second his face splits into a grin and he challenges me to some sort of competition.

He really wants everything to be the same, but…it's just not.

I still like to practice fighting, and I definitely live for showing Sora up when he's acting too high and mighty. I don't like to lose, and maybe, okay I am a bit jealous and competitive. That used to be all I really was, a silly little boy who wanted to be the best all the time. I wanted everyone to see how great I was, how powerful and skilled, and I wanted to be the most important person in their lives.

Maybe that's why things turned out the way they did.

If I hadn't been so egotistical, I would have listened to Sora that time in Traverse Town, when he tried to tell me what was going on. Instead, I listened to my toxic ego and saw what I wanted to see: Sora having fun with his new friends and leaving me behind. Even though I'd like to, I can't blame all that has fallen apart on Maleficient and Ansem. It was my fault, everything, and the darkness tore through our lives because of my stupidity and selfishness.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I forced myself up and dusted the sand off my pants. Stuffing my hands into my pockets loosely, I began walking up one of the many wooded paths of the island, letting my steps lead me to an unknown destiny.

After a few minutes, my feet came to a halt, and I found myself at the entrance to the Secret Place. I swallowed the thick lump that had formed in my throat, staring into the pitch black darkness that remained foreboding even on such a perfect day. It was the site of so much destruction, that door, that tantalizing door that I had opened to wreak havoc on those I called friends.

Before I could stop myself, I found that my feet were moving again, taking me inside. As I walked, one of my hands slipped out of its pocket and trailed across the stone lightly, feeling the cold rock beneath my fingers. It felt good to touch something solid; it kept me tied to reality.

_"Once we set through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back."_

I frowned as my own words echoed through my mind, causing me to pull my hand back from the stone that had given me past solace. Now it felt like flames burning my fingertips.

_"But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us!"_

I cringed, yet my feet pulled me closer to the alcove of rock, where so many childhood days had been spent and wasted. With each step I took, the voices in my head grew louder, and my long hair fell into my face as I bowed my head while clenching my teeth.

_"I'm not afraid of the darkness!"_

Feeling myself break, I threw my fist against the wall. A resounding crack hit my ears as a sharp, stinking sensation raced up my hand and my arm, stopping at my shoulder. With my entire arm throbbing, I was breathing heavily while my arm dropped listlessly to my side. Panting, I fell to my knees on the sandy carpet, staring at the ground as it swam before my eyes.

I had been so stupid. I had been such a stupid, conceited boy who couldn't see any farther than his own goals and desires. It was all my fault, every last bit of misery we faced, and I don't know if I could ever come to terms with that.

I don't even know how the others came to term with it. I don't know how Sora and Kairi can look upon me without hatred, how they can accept me after all I've done. Sora kept looking for me; after I'd lost myself he still believed that I was still myself somewhere deep inside. When he looks at me, he sees his friend and not the monster that I had become. I'm grateful for that, even if I don't understand it.

Lifting my head, my breaths coming in a bit more evenly, I stared up at the picture that had been carved on the boulder so many years ago, and then added with affection.

It was a roughly drawn sketch, made up of a young boy and a girl. They were smiling at each other, and the boy's hair was short and spiky while the girl's was long and shaggy. It was easy to tell where new pieces had been added it, since a few strokes where a fresher white and brighter than the rest. Two arms had been added, crossing over one another in an attempt to show friendship.

A papou fruit was being shared between the two, and it was a promise between forever friends.

Looking at it, I felt my heart grow a little colder. Sora and Kairi had made promises to each other, deep promises that ran through their hearts and souls. These were bonds that could never be broken or frayed…and I was not a part of them.

Raising a hand, I ran it across the cracks forced into the rock, outlining the papou fruit being extended. It hurt a little as my fingers touched the crevices, and I felt a wave of depression wash over me like the way the water floods the beach. Sora and Kairi had each other, no matter what happened, but there was no one for me to have. I really was the odd one out, so why was I the only one who noticed it?

Getting to my feet, I looked towards the place where the door once stood, seeing nothing more than a barren stone wall. Walking over, I stood in front of it with a blank stare, just letting it sink it. All evidence of its presence had been washed away, expunged, and there was nothing left to suggest that something so evil had once stood there.

But it had been there, and no matter how much fun we had, no matter how many times we smiled and laughed and joked…it'll never really go away. There will always be a corner of our hearts that is waiting for it to return, because something as truly dark as that could never really disappear. The darkness could never really fade away into nothing. As long as people exist, there's a chance of rebirth, and so we're never truly safe from it.

I wish Sora could see that.

Or maybe he can see it, and he just doesn't want to accept it.

Turning my back on the spot, I left without another word, shielding my eyes as they were exposed to the sun. As I walked back towards the beach, I could hear the twinkling bells of Kairi's giggling and the sheepish laughter Sora emitted when he was embarrassed. Looking out, I could see the tops of their heads in the distance, the scene looking welcoming and tempting. Instead, I turned in the opposite direction, not yet ready to join them.

As I reached the edge of the sand, I waded out a few inches into the water. I could feel the cool liquid splash against me, drenching my shoes and pants to some extent. Staring out at the horizon, I could see nothing else. There was not one strip of land to say there was something else out there, some other life besides our own. That fact still depressed me, after everything I'd seen, and the familiar pain gripped at my heart.

There's a part of me, a part that I suppress to the best of my ability but a piece of me nonetheless, that is _bored_. It's the same part of my soul that turned to darkness what seems such a long time ago. Constantly, my fingers are itching to escape, to flee this place of limbo and standstill and never come back this time. I want to return to the amazing worlds I'd seen and have exciting adventures which would prove my skills and impress others.

Despite all this, I'd never give in to this other side of me again. I could ignore it usually, and enjoy the life that had been regenerated upon our return. After everything he's seen and done, Sora's content to have a life relaxation and repose, so I try to adapt to that way the best I can.

But just like the darkness that flows inside of me, ready to take over, I'm afraid of that part of my heart twisting everything horribly, just like last time. What if someday I can't control it, and I'm once again the cause of pain and destruction for those who just want peace? I'm tied to the darkness, and while I have come to accept that and control it, I know that it still controls me.

It always has and always will.

Leaving the ocean and my fears behind, I started back towards the shore. I walked lazily with no rush, letting the previous thoughts that had plagued my mind fade to static in the background. Once I felt smooth sand under my feet, I heard a shout and turned toward the noise. Sora was leaping in the air, waving enthusiastically with that goofy grin on his face.

This time I went to him.


End file.
